A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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