why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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