My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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