I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
