I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Randomize
