Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
