im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
