She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
