So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize
