Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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