oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
