Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
We don't watch enough power rangers
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
