Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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