After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
