Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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