is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
