My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
