did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
