is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
