After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
