i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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