Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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