My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
