Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
