would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
