i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
