I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
