You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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