You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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