If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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