I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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