period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
pray to the hookup gods
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
