this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
