OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
