I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
