dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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