my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
