i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
