my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
