I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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