There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
