we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
