I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I smell like Dick and happiness
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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