I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
