I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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