Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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