i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
