dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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