every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
