I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
