I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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