do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
